This adorable design by Sampling of Memories (and available here) perfectly captures my approach to the holidays: I want a quiet, low-key Christmas. I want to enjoy the holidays, not stumble through them in a mad rush to "get everything done." Because that's what I want, I've made choices. And making choices is often the critical point of breakdown between wanting something and having something.
Last week I mentioned that I have some habits that I keep to strictly in order to avoid holiday craziness, for which my tolerance is extremely low. What I consider "holiday craziness" may be exciting "hustle and bustle" to you. And that leads me to this: Everyone's idea of what constitutes a "perfect Christmas" will be different, as well it should be. People value different things. Christmas at my house might bore you out of your skull and Christmas at your house might send me to the hospital. If you love a holiday season of going places and doing things and being up to your eyebrows in all things Christmas, then I say, "Enjoy!" If you'd rather quietly watch the holidays drift by from the comfort of your stitching chair--with occasional visits to the kitchen to replenish the cookie tray--then pull up a chair.
Just as everyone's idea of what makes a perfect Christmas will be different, so will everyone's idea of what makes for a quiet Christmas differ. To paraphrase Goldilocks, "This one's too boring, this one's too busy, but this one's just right." Beyond deciding you want your Christmas to be quieter, slower, smaller--which seems to be a commonly felt impulse in the midst of the Christmas rush--you must decide what that looks like for you.
Is it narrowing down holiday parties from five to two? Or is it foregoing them altogether? Or is it choosing your one favorite and enjoying that one to the fullest?
Is it baking only six dozen cookies instead of ten? Or is it buying them instead of baking them? Or is it baking one batch of your favorite recipe and taking it down to the fire station?
Is it committing to fewer charity events? Or is it redirecting your efforts from attending events to giving? Or is it volunteering instead?
Is it winnowing your Christmas card list? Or is it skipping cards completely? Or is it choosing New Year cards instead, which can be filled out in the post-holiday quiet?
Is it passing the responsibility for the big family dinner to someone else? Or is it changing it to potluck where everyone brings a dish? Or is it changing it to a coffee/dessert/game night?
After giving it some thought and deciding what a quieter Christmas looks like for you, the next step is the hardest: make choices. And this is the point where the breakdown occurs. Many people lament the busyness of the holidays every single year, but will not make the choices that can alleviate that busyness. From my observations, there seem to be two reasons for that: they don't want to "give up" anything and/or they're locked into a vision of what Christmas has to be--often someone's else's vision (the retail industry, the entertainment industry, that one family member everyone has... ).
As for "giving up" cherished holiday traditions in pursuit of a quieter Christmas, the examples above illustrate that there is a way to do the things you value that doesn't leave you a frazzled mess in January. You just have to be willing to make those choices. The same goes for being locked into a particular vision of what Christmas should be. Is that vision really the kind of Christmas you love? Or is it what you think is expected? When complaining about the madness of the holiday season, how many times have I heard people say, "Well, if I had my way..." Well? Why don't you have your way? At this point, I can hear readers thinking, "That seems kind of selfish." Two questions: 1) Is it selfish to push back against the unrealistic expectations imposed upon us? 2) Is it selfish to try to reclaim from the chaos the things we value most?
Once you've decided what a quiet Christmas looks like for you, and what choices you have to make in order to achieve it, it's time to come up with a plan of how to implement the changes you want to make. Your Christmas and your choices will be completely unique to you, and only you can craft the plan you need. Tomorrow I'll be sharing some of the things I do to keep our Christmases quiet, and while those things may not work for you, perhaps they will inspire some out-of-the-box thinking that leads you to your own solutions.
Come on back tomorrow for more Christmas in July!
Christmas Bake by Sampling of Memories (link above), stitched on 28 ct. Muffin
(I don't know the manufacturer of the linen--it's a flea market find)
with GAST Buckeye Scarlet and Otter Creek
Beads: Mill Hill 2011; Buttons: Hobby Lobby
Oh Honeybee, what a wonderful and thought provoking post you have written and ideas/things to ponder. You are so right about everyone having their own version of what is right for them. I love your stitch and thank you for sharing the link.
ReplyDeleteI love your thoughts on Christmas. Now I'm thinking about what Christmas means to me.
ReplyDeleteI love your newly completed project. I think those words apply to everyday living.
Cheers, Tina
I enjoyed reading this as I find Christmas a mix of so many lovely things outweighed by many of the negative things you mentioned that overwhelm us.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I gave up sending Christmas cards years ago, except to friends that live a long distance away and then I always include a hand written letter too. I am not a party person so rarely go to parties either. One of our favourite traditions is that every Monday night in December we all watch a Christmas film together and have special treats to eat. When the children ere little we had an early dinner and all watched wearing pyjamas. x
ReplyDeleteYou are one wise woman. :) Cathryn
ReplyDeleteLots of sage advice. RJ
ReplyDeleteSuch a cute design, and it expresses my sentiments exactly...hoping to do 2 of the 3 listed activities this weekend. It's too hot to bake, but it definitely leaves more time for stitching and TV-watching! Thanks for sharing the design info. So cute!
ReplyDelete*sigh* This is why I love it here! Your words are a balm to my soul. I did this very thing last year: planned for a quiet Christmas. It's what I chose to do to end my year in calmness, since most of the year was not calm. For the first time in decades, I did not send Christmas cards. You know what? After Christmas, when I mentioned it to people, I can't tell you how many people said to me that they NEVER NOTICED! What?? All these years sending Christmas cards ... maybe I could have stopped it years ago. I could write paragraphs about what you've said here, but for me, I would have to add that one needs to hold firm to choices made, and not feel guilty for choosing them. For instance, my brother was a bit upset at me for not sending cards, because in his mind, that's what you should do at Christmas. I understand that, and I love getting cards, but it had become somewhat of a hassle for me, and I wasn't enjoying it anymore. So it had to go. Like the Grinch learned, Christmas came just the same. Even without the cards. Does that mean I'll never send cards again? No, but I enjoyed not sending them, because it removed some of the pressure from me. And anything that causes angst or pressure (self-imposed or otherwise) does not really belong in Christmas celebrations. I have to say that even considering my circumstances, I had one of the best Christmases ever last year. I scaled back all my musical performances, didn't send cards, enjoyed more holiday baking, and spent lots of time sitting in a chair in the living room, just staring at all the lights. It was peaceful. It was necessary. And I may just do it again this year, because I loved it so much.
ReplyDeleteI saw all these posts last night, but decided to wait until morning so I could enjoy them with my cup of coffee. On to the next posts!